Light in the corner.

Sitting by my wood stove late at night. The rain is pouring down outside, and I get to sleep in a little bit tomorrow. Evenings at home are lovely, and they don’t get much better than a cozy fire with the sound of rain.

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Recently it was brought to my attention that an underreaction can be as unhealthy as an overreaction. This was revolutionary for me. I often believe that not responding to conflict is better than making people uncomfortable, but I have been challenged lately to think differently.

I use underreaction as a way of saving face- if I just get past the situation, the conflict will go away. Yet how often do those small things build up inside of me? It is easy to swallow something once, it is more difficult the second time, and by the third time, I should have said something earlier.

Forgive me for using some of my workplace jargon, but here we go: underreactions are rooted in lies that I choose to believe. I believe that people will dislike me if I try to deal with conflict head on, and I believe that bypassing a difficult situation is usually the right choice. This may be the middle child in me. I have found that conflict which is dealt with in a safe way can be extremely helpful, and it clears the air so that I can love people in my life more fully.

I’m learning a lot about myself lately. Most of these personal revelations are coming through some of the self evaluation encouraged at my workplace. Some of it comes through new relationships with coworkers who encourage me to be honest and vulnerable. I realize that I’m in a rare place, and I am so glad to be encouraged to grow.

Another thing I’ve learned- annoyance is the same emotion as anger. I have often made excuses for not processing feelings of annoyance. I would decide that the difficult situation would pass, and I put it out of my mind. However I have usually resolved feelings of anger much more intentionally. Now I am seeing that they are really the same thing, and I am trying to not excuse myself from dealing with anger by passing it off as “just being annoyed.” This is not to say that I’ve started making mountains out of mole hills. But knowing these things in my mind has already helped me process emotions in a more complete way.

So those are my recent life lessons. Thanks for letting me share them with you. I’m sure there will be more to come.

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I’m all packed for Africa! Somebody get me on a plane. I’ll be around until next Wednesday, but I hope you are planning to check in on me at our team blog while I’m gone. They have been updating it since the first half of our team got there last week.