Love, food, backpacks and primates.
The other night someone asked me if I have ever been in love. The question got me thinking. I have certainly felt a strong emotional bond and attraction toward men in my life. I know that I have loved some as much as I love many of my close friends. However I am pretty sure than I have never actually been in love.
I love my family a lot. My relationships within our little clan are deep and shaping. But there is no sexual edge to those interactions (Put Freud away for this, please). I love my friends in the same way. Many have become extended family. They are my primary community and my first layer of consultation. But being in love. I just don't know. It must be deeper than mutual admiration and compatibility. I have experienced those, but they just don'’t seem to stick for long.
"You'll know," they assure me. "Somehow you just know that you are in love. It is different than anything else."
Okay, but I tend to like to define things in more concrete terms. So friends, have you been in love? How did you know?
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My soon-to-be traveling companions and I had dinner with an Egyptian couple last night. Hannah and Isaac hosted a delicious meal that filled their table and ended with baklava and tea. Let me tell you, they sure know how to cook in Egypt.
Our stomachs were quickly filled by the heaping portions that we were served. "No diet today!" Hannah kept telling us with each spoonful for our plates. Their home was warm and packed with guests. By the end of the evening, my eyes were so heavy that the thought of lying on the linoleum floor for a nap sounded unreasonably tempting. I went home, went to bed, and slept for twelve hours.
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Packing, packing, packing. There are so many last minute things to do. The corner of my room is slowly filling with things that I will be taking on my trip. Now the question remains: will it all fit in the backpack?
At the airport we are each checking two large trunks full of supplies for the orphanages, so my personal possessions are necessarily limited to the size of my carry on. I'm happy to travel lightly, but it is always a bit of a challenge to whittle down the load.
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Those selfish apes. Have you heard about this study? It seems that chimps have no inherent desire to help others. I'm interested to hear the results if and when they perform the same experiment with human children.
I love my family a lot. My relationships within our little clan are deep and shaping. But there is no sexual edge to those interactions (Put Freud away for this, please). I love my friends in the same way. Many have become extended family. They are my primary community and my first layer of consultation. But being in love. I just don't know. It must be deeper than mutual admiration and compatibility. I have experienced those, but they just don'’t seem to stick for long.
"You'll know," they assure me. "Somehow you just know that you are in love. It is different than anything else."
Okay, but I tend to like to define things in more concrete terms. So friends, have you been in love? How did you know?
------------------
My soon-to-be traveling companions and I had dinner with an Egyptian couple last night. Hannah and Isaac hosted a delicious meal that filled their table and ended with baklava and tea. Let me tell you, they sure know how to cook in Egypt.
Our stomachs were quickly filled by the heaping portions that we were served. "No diet today!" Hannah kept telling us with each spoonful for our plates. Their home was warm and packed with guests. By the end of the evening, my eyes were so heavy that the thought of lying on the linoleum floor for a nap sounded unreasonably tempting. I went home, went to bed, and slept for twelve hours.
------------------
Packing, packing, packing. There are so many last minute things to do. The corner of my room is slowly filling with things that I will be taking on my trip. Now the question remains: will it all fit in the backpack?
At the airport we are each checking two large trunks full of supplies for the orphanages, so my personal possessions are necessarily limited to the size of my carry on. I'm happy to travel lightly, but it is always a bit of a challenge to whittle down the load.
------------------
Those selfish apes. Have you heard about this study? It seems that chimps have no inherent desire to help others. I'm interested to hear the results if and when they perform the same experiment with human children.
posted by Erin 8:31 PM
4 Comments:
I think being in love often refers to that heady feeling of infatuation you can get when you have a mutual physical attraction with a person you also really like . . . you think about the person all the time, long to be with them, etc. I felt that for my husband when we first met, but what that has evolved into, over the past . . . 16 years . . . is less thrilling but more profound.
Hey there! Stop making me think so much! I don't quite enjoy having my preconceived notions concerning my social interactions with those of the opposite sex called into question!
Actually, I do rather appreciate your question. I think I have been in love, but there are times when I think I was in a state of "extreme like" and not quite love. I say that because, when it comes down to it, I choose to leave a relationship (and/or several of them) when things get too rough or the upside of resolving a disagreement isn't worth the downside of hashing out/discussing what keeps us apart in the relationship.
So, have I been in love? Maybe not. Possibly not. What have I been in? I'm not really sure now. Thanks Erin.
Good thoughts, both.
Nancy- I'm glad that it turns into something more profoud. Thanks for bringing the perspective of someone who has been there.
N- Yes, I think it has something to do with sticking through the uncomfortable parts. Somehow the work must be worth it for that person.
I suppose I would be banished from your family if I said that I have never been in love. Fortunately for me, I have been, and still am! One of my incomplete definitions of "in love" is the inabililty to imagine my life without the other person in it. Of course, there is a reason that people say they "FELL in love", because they can also "fall out of love". It is something that is difficult to feel control over. This is why it is important to have more than just the mushy-gushy-can't-live-without-them feeling. Being "in love" also seems to have something to do with not seeing all of the other person's faults. At some point, reality normally hits a person and they can see clearly, this is part of "falling out of love" in my young, cynical ignorant perspective. I have witnessed some relationships that are alive and growing however, in which people who have been married 50 years are still in love. These people see the other person clearly for who they are, but they keep themselves humble enough to know they are not perfect either. They also admit that after all these years they still don't have the other person figured out completely. This seems to help. :)
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