Surface Ripple

Shot like that.

2008-05-08T21:20:00.000-07:00

Evidence that I did indeed get a new camera.

Embarassing to say the least.

2008-05-07T22:50:00.000-07:00

But it has almost been three months since I've posted here. If you want to know what has been happening in the meantime, check out DanErin.com.

This is still an important space for me. I have dreams of posting again regularly. Perhaps I've just succeeded in refining my readership. If my blog is still on your radar, you count as one of the devoted. It might not do much for your social life, but I appreciate it.

........

Update: I have been accomplishing some of my New Year's resolutions in the past few months. I'm doing a pretty good job at planning out meals. I am drinking less coffee. Posture is still a tough one for me.

.........

I am almost finished reading Crime and Punishment, and it has been good for my soul. Dostoevsky was a genius. Reading this novel is like spending hours in a great art museum and realizing that every piece was imagined by one artist. I wish I could think about plot and character like he does. I wish my mind was big enough to create the kind of text he writes. At least it exists for me to enjoy, right?

It is strange how long I've neglected reading this book. It has been on my shelf for at least four years, and I avoided it as though it was some kind of chore. But reading it makes me feel like myself.

........

In other news, Dan got me a camera today! I haven't had one since my trusty 2003 model opted for early retirement last year. Expect more photo documentation. I feel unleashed.

Right through the heart.

2008-02-15T16:05:00.000-08:00

The Valentine's Day card that I made for Dan.

Sanctuary.

2008-01-23T16:05:00.000-08:00

I walked by a man bundled to the ears. 4:00 PM. 39º high today.

He sat in the sun outside Portland Rescue Mission, blinking into the light. His eyes were the only visible part of him. We shared a silent moment enjoying the dazzling light and blue sky before my lack of coat drove me inside.

Beautiful creation.

Like morning again.

2007-12-31T16:15:00.000-08:00

One last chance to blog in 2007. Some of my resolutions for ‘08:

Better posture. I’m catching myself slouching. Perhaps some ergonomic fixes to my workspace are in order.
Drink less coffee. Today I had two cups. Tomorrow I shall only have one.
Plan menus for the week ahead. If I had thought about this even a year ago, I would have considered myself immensely boring. But I enjoy cooking, and I’ve been letting Dan do most of it. I think a good menu plan would motivate me to take the initiative more often.
Enroll in at least one graduate course. In what? Who knows! I’m just not ready to let my brain settle.
Blog more often. Really, I want to.

There are others, but you’ll have to ask me in person.

Farther from the root.

2007-10-11T18:10:00.000-07:00

I am watching autumn from above this year. The trees out my window turn red on the top first, and the crimson creeps toward the lower branches.

........

I had a dream last night. I met with a personality expert, and he told me that there was a destructive element in my personality.

He informed me that there was one question that would rip the top off a Pandora’s box of issues in my inner being.

As he opened his mouth to ask, all I could hear was the sound of my alarm.

Half way to half way.

2007-08-22T12:09:00.000-07:00

We spent the weekend in the beautiful Columbia Gorge. Dan took me on a Sternwheeler cruise up the river. Our tour included interesting sights from the Northwest’s geological history, Native American traditions, the Lewis and Clark expedition and pioneer journeys along the Oregon Trail.

Sunday held a visit to the Farmer’s Market near our house. I’ve been wanting to stop by there all summer, and it was better than I could have expected. There were fresh flowers, vegetables, and a live accordion band. To top it all off, my friend that runs the omlette booth gave us a gigantic breakfast on the house!

........

This is my first week in a new position with the homeless shelter. I am now the Communications Specialist, a recently created position in the organization.

I feel like I’m getting a fresh chance to be creative in my work since there is really no precedent yet for the tasks that I am taking on. It’s intimidating and motivating at the same time. I like change, and learning new things stimulates me. And I have an exceptional team to work with as I venture out. However the audience for my work is now considerably larger, so it creates a different type of pressure.

........

And my beautiful sister Bethany is down in Mexico to study Spanish for a month!
Check out her blog at http://atimetotravel.blogspot.com.

The hottest thing.

2007-08-06T12:22:00.000-07:00

Neglected, but not forgotten. Hello blog.

I haven’t been blogging, but I’ve been doing other things. For instance:

We had a big fourth of July potluck with family and friends at our house.
I had two fillings put in my mouth.
We went to a Patty Griffin concert at the Oregon Zoo.
I braved the new IKEA opening with my sister in law and little nephew. Check him out below- so happy as we stood in line at five in the morning.
We went camping twice.
I’ve also been reading John Steinbeck’s East of Eden. He’s a brilliant writer, and I had forgotten how much I enjoy him.

Married!

2007-07-02T12:05:00.000-07:00

Dan and I were married on June 9th. It was a privilege to share our vows with family and friends on that day, and we were both moved by the rich community that surrounds us. And I am so happy to be married to Dan!

Last week we returned from our relaxing honeymoon in Guadalajara, Mexico, and we jumped back into our busy lives. Between settling into our home together and catching up with work, we've haven't had a lot of down time, but I still seem to be getting more sleep.

T-minus.

2007-06-04T07:22:00.000-07:00

Five days to go.

Everyone is asking me, “How are you doing?” “Are you completely stressed out?” Thankfully, I can actually say that I’m not. I’m feeling great, and things seem to be under control. Credit that to the incredible family and friends who have taken on so much for Dan and me.

I do feel a little nervous. It’s not about being with Dan. That’s the easy part. Of course I want to be with him for the rest of my life, and I feel like we are well prepared. It’s just that big word “marriage,” you know? I have the same butterflies in my stomach that I felt when I started college or my first job. It’s wonderful and a privilege; it’s just, well, an enormous change in my life. That’s all.

And then there’s that whole thing about everyone I know coming into town on the same day. That’s big too.

........

Oh, and happy two year blogsiversary to me!

Not to mention the stacks of boxes.

2007-05-15T06:31:00.000-07:00

Why do I feel so guilty for neglecting my blog for a mere two weeks? What strange power is contained in this page?

........

I’ve been a little swamped, as you can probably imagine.

Dan and I were in Arkansas two weekends ago. We traveled to visit his college friends with whom he is still close. Now that I’ve been there and seen him with them, I don’t know how we put it off for so long. They are wonderful, kind people with arms full of babies.

I had never been to the South. It was a treat! My roots are down there—Kansas, Oklahoma, Arkansas—so the food and sweet tea was familiar. My favorite part was seeing the forests full of deciduous trees. My least favorite part was the tick that stowed away under my shirt (thanks for that reminder, Leisha).

Wedding planning is going well. Our “To Do” list is shrinking, but there are still some major things on the horizon. The big day is going to be fun, and being married to Dan will be even better. If you haven’t RSVP’d, get to it!

My siblings and little nephew were in town for Mother’s Day, and Bethany threw me a lovely bridal shower on Saturday to boot. I always feel extremely awkward in those situations (it’s easier to throw a party than to have it thrown for me), but I also felt incredibly, wonderfully loved.

........

More to come.

New sensations.

2007-04-30T06:16:00.000-07:00

Dan and I made it up to Seattle last week to see little Micah. It was so fun to hold him and imagine how much he is going to change in the next few years. What a wonderful blessing for our family!

We spent the day hanging out with Micah, Jen, JR and Bethany. Friends from their church dropped off dinner, and we enjoyed hearing the details of the birth. He is a cute kid, and I think being an aunt is fantastic.

........

Dan and I went on a hike yesterday. We took the highway out to a trail base near Oxbow Park, and we headed up the hillside toward the plateau that overlooks the city. We missed the main trail at some point, so the next best thing was to head straight up the hillside through the brush. A little hand-and-foot climbing got us there.

The view from the top was breathtaking. The whole Columbia River valley spilled out in front of us, and hawks circled the valley at our feet.

We climbed back down the hillside just before sunset. As we left the trail, a sign caught my attention. "Caution, Poison Oak in this area"

Sure enough, my hands are covered in a tingly, red rash today. Fortunately we were wearing long pants and long sleeves, but it looks like we will be feeling the effects for a while.

........

Check out the new, awesome, incredible wedding website that Dan made for us: www.danerin.com

The best kind of new.

2007-04-16T14:54:00.000-07:00

Our family is moving into a new era. The first grandchild for our little clan arrived early this morning. After about six hours of labor, Micah James was born in Seattle at a healthy nine pounds, nine ounces. Jen, JR and Micah are doing fine, although JR did mention that it would take a while for the reality of his little son to set in. I can't wait to meet him.

........

Speaking of childhood, I have been scanning the pictures from my albums to use at our wedding this June. I've come across so many memories in the process. In honor of my brother's first son, I thought I should post a picture of JR and me from not too long ago. I'm in the red.

You can check out more pictures from my childish past over at my Flickr account.

When the perfect is come.

2007-04-12T14:09:00.000-07:00

Life is contrast. Light and dark. Old and new. Life and death. And then there is all of that space in between.

My grandma died a week ago Wednesday. The mother of my mother slipped quietly away from the hospital, the confines of her age, the pain in her body, and into the calm.

It was peaceful. She was surrounded by her four living children. You know, each of them looks like her in their own way. And we spent the next few days remembering her together.

Of course there were things to go through, and that always brings up stories. Old pictures spilled out of drawers, and someone found love letters. The interior of her house had been frozen in time since the late sixties. She was a constant in all of our lives.

I saw her a couple of hours after she died, lying on the hospital bed with the sheet mostly covering her face. Death makes us the most vulnerable, small and weak. We began the preparations for the funeral, and we celebrated Easter with radiant hope.

Just like they say.

2007-03-27T10:59:00.001-07:00

Damp streets steam with the scents of life outside my window. Spring isn't quite strong enough to break through the gray skies today, but sprouts of leaves hint at an approaching coup.

........

I’ve been trying to drink more water lately. They say 64 ounces a day is important, so I’m carrying my quart sized water bottle with me to work and back. The new habit is threatening to break my “bladder of steel” reputation, but I’m willing to trade the title for happier cells. I’m ¼ finished with my quota today. Just 48 more ounces to go!

........

That wonderland of cheap furniture and Swedish styling is coming to Portland this summer. I was reading this article on the bus this morning, and I laughed at Portland’s inconsistent philosophy of consumerism. “Give us all local, small business… and Ikea because it’s really great also.”

And with all this talk about meatballs and their Swedish café, why does no one ever mention that they have cheap and delicious salmon served there as well? It’s my third favorite part of the experience, the list of favorites being:
1. Picture frames in odd sizes
2. Kitchen gadgets for aspiring gourmets on a limited budget
3. Salmon lunch from their restaurant
4. Various things made from wood

Up the hillside.

2007-03-20T11:51:00.000-07:00

Ah, city life. My house is about 15 minutes from downtown Portland on the edge of a town called Milwaukie. I picked up a local newspaper this morning while I was waiting for my bus, and, to my delight, I discovered the Police Logs. Among tales of tagging and petty theft, I found the following bit of neighborhood drama:

March 1, 4:25 p.m.—A caller reported two goats in the median at Highway 224 and McLoughlin in Milwaukie. They were not a hazard.

Really, goats?! I took note because that intersection is the edge of my commute. I’ll have to keep an eye out. Good thing I know that they are not a hazard to my driving.

A little further down:

March 4, 2:20 p.m.—A caller at SE Hanna Harvester and Main in Milwaukie reported two goats up against the guard rail.

Goats backed into a corner: maybe not a hazard, but certainly on the defense. Then finally:

March 6, 5:43 p.m.—A caller at SE 17th Avenue and Highway 224 reported that a pair of goats with horns were trying to cross the expressway.

Apparently the goat epidemic is in full swing here in my corner of Portland. I don’t know where the pair came from, but the reports remind me of a certain story from childhood. And now I’m fighting the urge to look for trolls.

Up for air.

2007-03-15T23:10:00.000-07:00

I'm still around, I promise.

The last two weeks have been packed with the beginning stages of wedding planning. I am determined not to be one of "those girls" with nothing else to talk about, so I've actually been avoiding blogging until I could get past the initial stress stage. Unfortunately, I've heard that it won't get much easier until after the whole thing is over.

Speaking of the big day, mark your calendar for June 9th!

........

Winter is fading away, and little pink buds cover the trees. The first sounds of spring are filling the air.

........

Bethany is coming home tomorrow for a weekend of spring break before she heads down to Mexico with my family. I'm looking forward to seeing her, and I am more than a bit jealous about her upcoming time in the sun.

Bursting into light.

2007-03-01T09:25:00.000-08:00

The glow of candles lit the room while snow fell in the darkness outside. I did not expect to be in Trout Lake last Tuesday night, nor was I expecting to get engaged that evening. We were supposed to have our church community group at my house like normal. But it wasn't going to be a normal day.

By the time that Dan picked me up from work, everyone from our small group had called me to cancel for one reason or the other. One was sick, one was busy, one couldn't get home in time. I found out later that this was no coincidence. Since it was just the two of us for the night, Dan offered to take me out to dinner. I suggested staying home and cooking something together, but he insisted that he had something special in mind.

I began to suspect a covert operation as we left Portland and headed east up the Columbia Gorge. We passed Multnomah Falls, Crown Point, and other places where we had shared hikes and memories. Finally we arrived at the Riverside Grill in Hood River, Oregon.

We were both hungry, and we shared a delicious plate of hazelnut trout at our window table. Dan suggested the scenic route back on the Washington side of the river, but instead we turned up toward his hometown of Trout Lake.

As we got closer, it began to snow, and there was a beautiful blanket of white covering the tiny town. We pulled into the driveway of Dan's childhood home. His family has been away for almost a month, so I expected it to be dark and quiet. Instead it was cheerily glowing with candlelight in every window, and smoke was puffing out the chimney.

The walkway was strewn with white rose petals, and there were candles flickering in the snow all around. We walked inside the warm house to see a table set for dessert with white linens. Soft background music broke the snowy silence of the outdoors. White rose petals covered the floor, and every surface was crowded with tea lights.

We sat together, and Dan read me some thoughts he had prepared about our relationship while I wiped away tears. There was a small carved trunk on the table, and it had a lock that conveniently fit a key Dan had given me earlier at dinner. (“Look at this key I found,” he had said to me. “Hmm,” I answered unromantically, “It looks like it goes to someone’s filing cabinet.”) Inside was a little book that Dan had created from a story I told him on a whim almost a year ago. It was about a boy and girl who each have half a heart until they find each other. Next to the book was a wooden heart carved with our names that Dan had brought back from Uganda. With these gifts and more kind words, Dan proposed. I quickly answered, “Of course!”

Dan and I had talked about marriage enough that I was expecting to get engaged sometime soon, but he was able to take me completely by surprise with the evening he planned. It was so special, unique to us, and really beautiful. I enjoyed getting engaged, and I am looking forward to getting married. But overall I am so glad to be able to spend my life with Dan! For those of you interested, we are tentatively planning a wedding in early June.

Maybe it is catching.

2007-02-22T17:15:00.000-08:00

We talked about patience at my community group this week. The topic came up with the story of Noah. We’ve been reading through the book of Genesis, and we hit chapter 8. In the biblical account of the flood, the rains ended after 40 days, but Noah and his family didn’t open the doors for almost a year. The water receded, the ark had landed, and he just waited until God told him it was time to step out into the empty world.

Patience. Noah must have had some of it in that boat with the animals and family members. Patience is also identified as a fruit of the Holy Spirit. It’s a virtue—the evidence of something greater than my own humanity.

I thought I was a patient person. I’ve always tried to give the people around me a reasonable amount of time—even a graceful amount of time—to act/do/respond as they should. This is patience, or so I thought.

It occurred to me during this study that maybe my definition of patience isn’t very virtuous after all. After someone takes longer than my mental permit allows, then I begin feeling impatient, irritated or annoyed. So my patience really doesn’t require any adjustment of my attitude or expectations. I equate being reasonably-gracious to being patient.

Perhaps patience is better understood in the KJV translation as long-suffering. The word implies discomfort instead of grace. Am I willing to be made uncomfortable—to stay on the ark when the ground looks dry—in order to demonstrate the love of Christ to those around me? Not often enough.

........

This is becoming something of a phenomenon in my family.

........

And my weekend starts in 3... 2... 1...

Rolling in.

2007-02-13T06:06:00.000-08:00

There is nothing quite as shocking as finding out that an immediate family member has secretly started a blog.

When I was at my parents’ house last week, my dad admitted that he recently began a new web venture to benefit society in general. Namely, he started a blog to offer advice to the public. However, due to limited exposure, he needs people to start asking for his opinions! Check out his fantastic blog at www.hungerisgood.blogspot.com. Pay him a visit and hand a major life dilemma into his capable hands.

........

Dan and I visited the Oregon Coast Aquarium on Friday. It was a late afternoon on a cloudy day at the coast, so it seemed like we had the place to ourselves. The sea otters were my favorite with their somersaults, and Dan and I are both suckers for those informational plaques along the way.

We enjoyed a late dinner by the beach (it was too dark to see the water, but the menu was delightful), and a serene drive back to Portland. I am glad to live just a short drive from the coast while still enjoying the perks of city life.

Blown away with the breeze.

2007-02-05T21:40:00.000-08:00

Carolyn and I usually do chores on Mondays. We rotate duties each week, so it doesn't get monotonous. And we both really appreciate the result. This arrangement has lasted a year and a half now. My house is extraordinarily clean tonight, and I am enjoying it.

As if it could get any better, I went through my closet last night, and I finally got rid of all the clothes that I had been keeping but not wearing for the last five years. I am proud to say that two large bags full of clothes are now on their way out of my life.

Sometimes I wonder why I keep things so long. I know part of the reason- clothes can be strongly associated with a memory from my life, and that can be hard to part with. This weekend I got rid of the "capris that were such a good deal," the "shoes that I wanted so much when I was a freshman in college," and the "shirt that is such a good color, but really not a good fit." Ah. Freedom.

Yes, there are a few items that I decided to give one more chance, but I have resolved that they won't make it through the next pruning unless they magically become favorites between now and then.

Beyond first glance.

2007-01-30T17:45:00.000-08:00

For the things we see now will soon be gone,
but the things we cannot see will last forever.

Sometimes the fabric stretches so thin that I can see through it. Like when you are sitting on a hammock, and you realize that only a few well-strung ropes make the bed.

These systems that I’ve put my weight on in the past- personalities, traditions, hopes, my unspoken expectations- they all get pulled apart. I thought things were in order; the material seemed strong. And it disintegrates in front of my eyes.

But the light shines through the threads, and that’s what gets me. The cloth is weak, and the light shines through. And I realize that it was never about the fabric anyway.

........

Dan is flying back to Portland tonight. I’m about to head out to pick him up at the airport. It will be good to have him state-side again.

Close your eyes or click your heels.

2007-01-24T19:16:00.000-08:00

“If the doors of perception were cleansed, every thing would appear to man as it is, infinite.” -William Blake from The Marriage of Heaven and Hell
Well friends, I’m back from nearly a month in East Africa. It was wonderful, exhausting, refreshing, adventurous, and fun. I hope you followed along on our team blog- the best stories are told there.

I spent Monday on three continents. A few of us had an eight hour layover in Amsterdam during the flight back to the United States. Being an adventurous bunch, we decided to be brief tourists in Europe while we waited.

We took the cheap, 20 minute train into central Amsterdam from the airport. It was still dark at 6:30 AM as we headed out into the city. Our goal was to find a cup of coffee among the morning commuters. Somehow we wandered directly into the red light district. After figuring out that we were in the wrong part of town for the coffee industry, we picked a new direction to explore.

As we were walking, a man stopped us and asked if we were looking for a coffee shop. We said that we were, and he told us that only Central Coffee Shop was open in Amsterdam at 6:30 in the morning. He gave us directions and moved on. We were surprised that he had guessed our purpose, but we also thought that he didn’t seem entirely trustworthy. We kept on with our own search.

About five minutes later another man stopped us an asked if we were looking for a coffee shop. It seemed so unlikely. How could two random strangers have such a clear idea of our search? He had the same news- only Central Coffee Shop was open, and he gave the same directions as our first friend had given. We decided to give it a try.

It didn’t take us long to find the place, and as we got closer a bit of travel trivia popped into my head. We were in Amsterdam. They sell legalized drugs. They sell them in places called coffee shops. Sure enough, instead of a quaint breakfast spot, Central Coffee Shop was a dive bar. The blue smoke inside was spilling out onto the street.

For some reason, no one in our group felt like experimenting with drugs so early in the morning. We were much more interested in getting our hands on our first cup of coffee in a month. Feeling ridiculously naïve, we walked to a restaurant close by, and we laughed at ourselves over piping hot cups of espresso.

All things considered, our group really enjoyed Amsterdam. It was by far the best layover that I have had in my travels. By eight o’clock it was light enough to walk around the canals that divide the city, and we took in the beautiful seventeenth century architecture. The train took us back to the airport with plenty of time for our flight, and we made it safely into Seattle by mid afternoon.

I am astounded whenever I think about the possibilities of modern travel. I was in Nairobi, Amsterdam, Seattle and Portland within one 36 hour stretch (technically just one day). The journey that would take months by land or sea is neatly packaged into one long session of airplane food and movies. We saw so much so quickly, and we only missed most of the world on the way.

See you on the flip side.

2006-12-26T21:08:00.000-08:00

Well friends, I'm headed to East Africa for the next three and a half weeks. Please follow along at our team blog:

http://hopeisalive.com

I'm not sure if I'll be able to update this site while I'm traveling, but the team blog will be a great way to see what I'm up to. I'm returning to Oregon on January 22nd. Thanks for all of your prayers and support along the way!

Design in the details.

2006-12-23T23:41:00.000-08:00

We had a cookie decorating session over at my parents' house today. It is amazing how much rainbow colored icing can become the medium for artistic angst. The emphasis was on personal expression through icing. I think they turned out rather well.

........

The solstice has passed. Those landmarks are important to me. My heart seems to let out a sigh of relief at the promise of more light to come.

Light in the corner.

2006-12-20T23:07:00.000-08:00

Sitting by my wood stove late at night. The rain is pouring down outside, and I get to sleep in a little bit tomorrow. Evenings at home are lovely, and they don’t get much better than a cozy fire with the sound of rain.

........

Recently it was brought to my attention that an underreaction can be as unhealthy as an overreaction. This was revolutionary for me. I often believe that not responding to conflict is better than making people uncomfortable, but I have been challenged lately to think differently.

I use underreaction as a way of saving face- if I just get past the situation, the conflict will go away. Yet how often do those small things build up inside of me? It is easy to swallow something once, it is more difficult the second time, and by the third time, I should have said something earlier.

Forgive me for using some of my workplace jargon, but here we go: underreactions are rooted in lies that I choose to believe. I believe that people will dislike me if I try to deal with conflict head on, and I believe that bypassing a difficult situation is usually the right choice. This may be the middle child in me. I have found that conflict which is dealt with in a safe way can be extremely helpful, and it clears the air so that I can love people in my life more fully.

I’m learning a lot about myself lately. Most of these personal revelations are coming through some of the self evaluation encouraged at my workplace. Some of it comes through new relationships with coworkers who encourage me to be honest and vulnerable. I realize that I’m in a rare place, and I am so glad to be encouraged to grow.

Another thing I’ve learned- annoyance is the same emotion as anger. I have often made excuses for not processing feelings of annoyance. I would decide that the difficult situation would pass, and I put it out of my mind. However I have usually resolved feelings of anger much more intentionally. Now I am seeing that they are really the same thing, and I am trying to not excuse myself from dealing with anger by passing it off as “just being annoyed.” This is not to say that I’ve started making mountains out of mole hills. But knowing these things in my mind has already helped me process emotions in a more complete way.

So those are my recent life lessons. Thanks for letting me share them with you. I’m sure there will be more to come.

........

I’m all packed for Africa! Somebody get me on a plane. I’ll be around until next Wednesday, but I hope you are planning to check in on me at our team blog while I’m gone. They have been updating it since the first half of our team got there last week.

Troll that ancient carol.

2006-12-15T22:48:00.000-08:00

My family is not rigidly traditional during holidays, but we do have a few habits. For instance, since the earliest I can remember, we have gone out to Chinese food for dinner on Christmas Eve. We also have our annual night of decorating. It includes the first sanctioned egg nog of the season and Christmas music reaching every corner of the house. Somehow I always end up on tree duty, and this year I realized that, while I like having a nice tree to enjoy, I really dislike the itchy process of stringing lights onto the tree. I suggested investing in a fake tree, but the idea was not well received. Oh well. More rashes to come, I suppose.

........

Carolyn and I have done our part in making our little home festive as well. We hung our stockings at the chimney with care, and there is a wreath on our door. This is big for us.

And as of today, I am almost finished with my Christmas shopping. That feels good.

All things new.

2006-12-12T18:34:00.001-08:00

You may have noticed that I’ve been missing in action the last few days (weeks?). Sorry about that. I’ve been busy helping Dan and the first half of our team get ready to go to Africa as well as working with him to finish the nonprofit application for Lahash International. These things take time.

But now Dan is in Uganda. I really miss him, but I’m looking at the bright side of being boyfriendless and distraction free for the next two weeks. I’ll get more sleep. I’ll burn less gas. And I hope to post here a bit more frequently. Remember the old days? No promises, but I’ll try to at least improve.

Speaking of the old days, I’m headed back to Africa on the 27th of this month. I’m flying over with the second half of our group, and I’ll be there until the 22nd of January.

........

Christmas is upon us. Those glittering lights and familiar songs buzz in the background of every public space.

This year my church pulled together and wrote a book of Advent meditations. I love hearing the voices of my friends in their writing about waiting, justice, peace and joy. And I am amazed at the hidden talents of my congregation- they are profound writers! Maybe we will find more occasions to tap that resource.

........

And in a very important update, it is a nephew! That’s right, my brother and sister in law found out that they are having a little boy. I’ve already started wandering down the baby aisles of department stores.

It might stick today.

2006-11-28T08:46:00.000-08:00

Snowflakes glinted in headlights as I stood at the bus stop this morning. The frosty crust on my lawn was beautiful in the early sun, and the noise of the world seemed muted in the cold.

Working at a homeless shelter makes me take more notice of changes in the weather. We have a steady stream of people coming in to ask for blankets, and our overflow mats are all filled at night. Thank God for people who donate their quilts and stocking hats to the needy. I can tell you that they are well used.

My office doesn’t have any built in heat, so I crank up the little space heater when I arrive each day. It is usually about half an hour before I can take off my coat and scarf, and my fingers stay cold even longer.

About five years ago, I lived on the Seattle streets for a week through the Urban Plunge program at my university. It was an exposure and education experience to help college students understand homeless life and the programs that serve the street community.

The organizers matched us up in groups of three for safety, and they gave us a sparse schedule of agency meetings that we had to attend during the week. We slept on the floor of a local church each night so that we didn’t take beds away from those who really needed the shelter, and we kept track of the services we used so that we could reimburse them for their cost in the end.

It was snowing that week, and my little group had long blocks of time to spend outdoors between meals. We had tried staying warm by sitting in hotel lobbies and food courts, but we were asked to leave in spite of our good behavior. Finally we got on the bus and rode through the free zone to the end of the line. The bus let us off at Pike Place market, and we found a sheltered corner near some public tables where the sun came in and the wind stayed out.

All three of us fell asleep. We were warm for the first time that day, and I honestly did not care one bit about the tourists who awkwardly broke off their conversations when they came around our corner.

I learned a lot that week. There are positive and negative ways to interact with the homeless community. Treat them as humans. Look them in the eye. Smile genuinely. Be smart but not fearful. Help with tangible needs- food, clothing, toilet paper, socks. Give money to agencies that have a reputation for meeting the needs of the homeless. Don’t give cash to those who say they need food or shelter, but research local services so you can give people good information and a way to meet their needs.

I hope I will never have to live on the streets, and I don’t pretend to understand everything about the lifestyle. But I do know that there are many people like me who are riding the busses today to stay warm. And I know that snow can be as miserable as it is beautiful when you don’t have a home.

Every seat filled.

2006-11-20T21:36:00.000-08:00

Thanksgiving is almost here, and I am grateful for the beautiful fall colors, the friends and family who fill my days, my church, and the stunning cycle of life.

I am fortunate enough to celebrate three times this year- Tuesday with Dan's family, the Thanksgiving feast for the homeless with my work on Wednesday, and with my family on Thursday. What are you doing for the holiday?

........

For those of you who haven't heard, I'm heading back to Africa this January. This time I will be working with the Lahash partners to help them establish infrastructure for their volunteer programs. I am really excited to use my professional skills overseas, and I am looking forward to connecting with some of the friends I made last time.

That said, I hope you will plan to follow along again on our team blog:
www.hopeisalive.com. We are usually able to post pictures and stories of our work along the way. I am also still trying to raise the last leg of my support for the cost. If you are interested in giving to the trip, you can send support with my name noted to:
Lahash International
10750 NE 4th Ave
Portland, OR 97211

........

I spent some time with my dear friend Denise and her polka-a-dot dress this weekend. She and I have been connected since the days of our awkward adolescence in our tiny high school. We lied on our stomachs in her cozy room and listened to a Simon & Garfunkel record on the stereo she bought at the rummage sale. It seemed almost too nice to be real.

Rise over run.

2006-11-09T11:30:00.000-08:00

I heard a theory once that the zenith of the American Empire was the first term of Clinton’s presidency. It is an interesting concept.

The U.S.’s perception of itself has changed so much in the last decade. In the nineties, we were on top of the world. American foreign policy was strong. We had the internet boom bolstering economies that were desperate for change. And anti-American sentiment seemed far away and tedious.

Things are very different now, and the last six years have created deeper questions about the role of the U.S. in the world. It has been a difficult path of self awareness for our nation. We have no claim to perfection. Whether you agree with the zenith theory or not, the USA is not sanctified, and it will not last forever. There is no reason for it to do so, and the next world power will clearly point out our mistakes.

In the meantime, I am optimistic that we can still offer something positive to the world. A frustrating decade does not mean the end, and there is still time to strengthen the American identity in the eyes of the world. Democracy is a good reminder of how quickly things can change.
........

We had the Black & White art exhibit about a week ago. If you missed it, check out the write up over at the Lahash blog.

The turnout was great- we had over 250 people attend, and the Urban Grind coffee house was the perfect spot to hold it in. Their staff was phenomenal. They went out of their way to accommodate us as we completely took over their space.

The whole event went much smoother than we could have anticipated. In spite of all the people we were inviting, the amount of art we were handling, and the number of people helping put it on, there were no major fiascos. The biggest problem was removing the art after the show. Our double-stick mounting tape became very permanent after two days, so it took a long time to get everything off the walls.

........

I’ve been getting a lot of joy out of downloading the This American Life podcast. I think it is on of the highest quality productions on radio, and it is always very entertaining. If you haven’t ever heard the show, take a little listen.

........

Dan’s parents got back from Sudan last night. It was great to see them. They looked a bit more tan, and they both looked thin after a diet of rice and beans for a month straight. We welcomed them back from rural East Africa with a plate of cinnamon rolls and the latest updates on national news. So much to digest.

And maybe borrow a dictionary.

2006-10-31T08:59:00.000-08:00

Why do people use “literally” to underline a metaphor? It completely negates the meaning of the word. For instance: “I literally killed myself laughing.” You did? Then are you some sort of phantom informing me of this? But, oh, did you just want to emphasize how much you were laughing? Ah, now I see.

There is a part of me that wants to respond to this misuse by just asking the question: “You’re kidding, that literally happened?” But that part of me is more sarcastic than I want to be.

Apparently, I’m not the only one who has noticed this inconsistency. There seem to be many of us who are picky enough to have pointed it out.

Language is not static, that’s one of the beautiful things about it. But it seems silly to use an anti-metaphor word to highlight the very metaphor itself. I mean, it is literally hacking to pieces our ability to communicate well.

You couldn't get more downtown.

2006-10-23T17:28:00.000-07:00

A four month quest has finally come to an end. Since beginning my job at the shelter, I have moved from empty desk to vacant cubicle without a work space to call my own. My roommate Carolyn loving dubbed me "a space parasite." Fortunately the shelter has up to date technology, so my phone extension could travel with me through my laptop and a handy-dandy head set.

Well friends, those days are over! My coworkers have graciously given me a sunny office right at the front of the building. It is an ideal space for my work, and it allows me to interact with more of our clients. I'm happy. Now I just have to figure out how to make it smell a ltitle bit nicer.

........

I had all my favorite siblings in town this weekend. Jen was here for a conference, so JR and Bethany joined us on Friday night. Jen, Dan and I spent some time enjoying Portland during the day on Friday, and then we made a Thai feast for JR and Bethany's evening arrival. Check out the pictures on my Flikr account. I'll load more soon.

A stretch in the right direction.

2006-10-15T01:32:00.000-07:00

There's been a lot going on lately in the life of Erin. Go ahead, take a peek:

........

We've been getting ready for the Black & White Africa art exhibit coming up at the end of the month. It's going to be a great event! If you are in Portland on the 27th or 28th, plan on stopping by.

........

My friend Andrea introduced me to "goatheads." Have you ever seen these prickly weeds? I'm fascinated.

........

I'm going back to Africa in January! This time I'll be using my professional skills to help our East African partners develop infrastructure for managing Western volunteers. The trip will be just over three weeks, and this time I'll be meeting with our partners in Kenya and Tanzania. I'm really looking forward to being back with my friends there, and I'm excited to be able to contribute to the good work that is happening.

.......

Dan and I worked a valet shift last week to earn some extra funds for our trip. It is a crazy experience to jump into one of the servant-castes of America. I really enjoyed myself, and the tips were great!

Welcome to the feast.

2006-10-05T16:52:00.000-07:00

The shelter where I work has been asking the question: How do we serve the truly needy?

Many of the men and women who live on the streets of Portland are not really homeless. They have family members that would offer shelter. These people are broken, and their choices reflect a lack of value in taking caring of themselves and others. They choose the streets because it is a social structure in which they are secure or powerful and there is little accountability for their actions.

It is important to determine the difference between meeting true needs and enabling unhealthy choices. Don't get me wrong, life on the streets is painful, cold and dangerous. It is not a good place for anyone to be. Yet men and women choose that lifestyle because it fits their quality world. The people who truly need services are those looking to exit the homeless lifestyle and are ready to choose a path away from addiction and into recovery.

As a person of faith, I want to feed the hungry, clothe the naked and minister to the poor. But I also want it to light the fire of hope in their lives. If services enable those on the streets to maintain an unhealthy lifestyle and reject any question of change, is that really help at all? I don't think that food and shelter services should stop, but how do you push someone in the right direction if they prefer to live in their addictions?

There is a certain demographic of those on the streets that this enabling question applies to: the "lifestyle homeless" are primarily men in substance addictions without children in their charge. They are the primary shelter users even though most have the opportunity to change their situation. Even though there are more homeless women and children in Portland than homeless men, they are less visible. Women hide out in cars or in the apartments of friends and boyfriends. They often sacrifice their own personal safety and the safety of their children to keep from the greater danger of living under a bridge. Homeless women and children tend to have the greatest needs and the least resources.

So far there has been no satisfying answer to the question. Part of the picture will be reaching outside our walls and finding those that are in crisis. Current services need to be maintained for those on the street who are looking for the way out. And my heart keeps reminding me that Jesus didn't put qualifications on feeding the hungry or clothing the naked. I just hope that is never the end of the story.

I'm sure there is already a resemblance.

2006-09-27T20:21:00.000-07:00

Good news, folks. The family line won't die out. My brother and sister-in-law announced that they are pregnant and due in April. Yeah! It will be fun to have a new little nephew or niece around the family gatherings. And he/she is guaranteed to be the cutest little kid you will ever see.

Here's the first baby portrait:

Step with that rolling beat.

2006-09-24T01:14:00.000-07:00

It has been a great weekend so far.

On Friday, Dan and I marked six months since we started dating. Dan surprised me with a lovely dinner at the Multnomah Falls Lodge, The wait staff gave us complimentary huckleberry cheesecake to polish off the meal.

........

On Saturday, I sat in the sun at my parents' house while they held a garage sale, and I marveled at the lack of customers. I think they made three dollars.

After packing up everything we had put out to sell, we went downtown to a fundraiser for the ESL nonprofit that my parents volunteer with. The organization hosted an evening of Latin American dancing in a carpet padding warehouse under the Fremont Bridge.

Peel back a layer.

2006-09-20T23:41:00.000-07:00

Grey skies, a chill to the air. The mist sticks to us outside, and my pants are wet at the cuff. I built a fire tonight.

........

A winding thought in the mind of Erin: The path to redemption is intimacy.

I once heard a definition of intimacy as “mutual self exposure.” I suppose it could be physical, emotional, or spiritual. Intimacy is agreeing to trust another with our vulnerabilities even when it intensifies the risk of pain. And it is how we bond with others. We tell secrets. We undress. We show our needs.

And redemption, in a personal or philosophical sense, it also relies that type of giving relationship. Redemption means paid for, purchased. Regardless of inequity, the redeemer and the redeemed create a relationship of exchange. The spiritual parallels pop into my head quickly, but I like using these terms to think about relationships between two human beings, the people that I care about. We gain the strength of another through our intimacy. We tender ourselves in that self exposure, and we are redeemed.

........

There was a barista in Seattle who worked at one of the coffee shops where I’d go to do homework. He also worked at the gelato place near campus. We only chatted two or three times, but I saw him every few weeks at one place or another.

Today he was working at the coffee shop near my workplace in Portland. It’s been a good three years since I have seen him. He was across the room, but I’m pretty sure he recognized me. He kept looking up with a “Where do I know that girl from?” look without being impolite.

I was at the coffee shop for a work meeting, so I ended up leaving without saying anything to him. To be honest, I’m not really sure how to broach the conversation without sounding like a stalker. For now, I am just glad to resume our casual barista to coffee-patron relationship in a new city in this small world.

Sawdust and squeeky wheels.

2006-09-13T23:42:00.000-07:00

I wish that I had more space in my life- time for rest and reading, whole days to spend with friends that challenge me a to be a better person, the luxuries of completing projects and doing art. I wonder if my priorities are wrong, but I don’t know how to adjust them. A girl’s gotta pay her bills after all, and long days at work mean little gets done in my personal life except on the weekend.

There is a psychological concept that I can’t properly credit, but it describes Quality World vs. Reality World. One’s Quality World is the basis for decisions- we all seek to meet the priorities of our idealized way of living. The Reality World is the way things really are. For instance, in my Quality World, I might believe that getting an “A” on a paper is the only acceptable grade for me; whereas in the Reality World, an “A” is just one tier of acceptable grades. Our emotions confirm the weight of our Quality World values.

I look at my current schedule, and I wonder what it says about my Quality World. I really believe that the things I am spending time on are worthwhile, but I also feel that I am not doing enough of the things I value.

But actions are clear. My priorities show up in the choices I make each day. I value spending time with my boyfriend or my family more than reading my copy of the New Yorker. I value being busy over being rested. I value my close friends over my yard work. Some are good choices, but they are not absolutes.

If I’m ever going to find that elusive time to meet my other lifestyle goals, I am going to have to have a true change in my Quality World values. Until then, I guess I need to remember that I am living out every bit of my priorities- but I might need to more honest about what those values really are.

Less labor, more day.

2006-09-05T02:25:00.000-07:00

I spent the long weekend with my family up in Orcas Island in the San Juan islands off the coast of northern Washington. It is a picturesque little community that bustles with farmers markets and art galleries during the summer months.

It couldn't have been a nicer weekend. The weather was plenty warm without being too hot. We had good conversations, and we drank tea by the fire.

I am blessed to have family that I truly enjoy as friends. It is wonderful to be able to spend a weekend together and come home feeling rested. Bring on the week!

Life on the farm.

2006-08-28T13:40:00.000-07:00

Update that shadow box.

2006-08-24T06:40:00.000-07:00

My Very Educated Mother Just Showed Us Nine Planets.

Make that eight. I guess she wasn't at that astronomers meeting in Prague. And now I have to find a new mnemonic phrase for eight.

"Back in my day, we had to memorize nine planets! You kids have it easy."

........

A community police officer addressed our staff at a meeting yesterday. He brought it to our attention that the only emergency shelter for women in Portland has just closed for good. They lost funding, and it sounds like there are not enough personnel resources to continue providing shelter through that facility even with new sources of funding.

There are several problems that come with having no shelter for women on the street:

It is an extremely vulnerable population that is at high risk of assault.
It keeps homeless men out at night, and it creates negative behavior from fighting and showing off for the women.
It adds a new population for drug sales at night, so it increases drug traffic in the city.

The shelter I work for provides meals and basic services to women, but we have an all-men overnight dorm. The city approached us to see if we could help facilitate some new overnight services for women, and our staff would certainly like to try. It is complicated to balance government funding and a private nonprofit, but this is a huge need for the homeless community in Portland.

I was really upset by the news. Fortunately summer doesn't have the threat of extreme weather, but the danger for a woman on the street is never simply seasonal. It seems ridiculous that we in the social services community would allow this to happen to those at such high risk already. I am glad that there may be some sort of option in the works, but I am praying that there will be a functioning and permanent solution in place soon.

Not an inch taller.

2006-08-18T15:05:00.000-07:00

I remember getting my driver's license when I was 16 years old. It expired in 2006. I remember thinking, I can't even imagine being 24. Will this thing ever expire? That's half a lifetime away.

Well, apparently it is possible. As of today, I have proven it. I'll have to line up again at the DMV when I am 32. Right, like I'll ever be in my thirties.

........

Dan surprised me this morning with a birthday breakfast. At first I thought it was my roommate Carolyn bumping around in my kitchen at 5:30 in the morning.

The table was already set when I wandered out of my bedroom. We had eggs, hash browns, and he even brought my favorite guilty pleasure- an apple fritter. It was a great way to start the day.

Fresh like Tokyo.

2006-08-15T17:53:00.000-07:00

A little sushi is good for the body.

Last night Jenny and I staked out a spot at the local Sushiland. They have cheap, fresh, delicious plates of California rolls and calamari on a conveyer belt of seafood delights.

Mmm.

Better take off that red coat.

2006-08-10T15:05:00.000-07:00

“Love all, trust a few, do wrong to none.”

–the Countess in William Shakespeare’s All’s Well that Ends Well.

........

An attack on international airlines was foiled in London today.

The U.S. Army used to have a recruiting campaign that profiled soldiers and tagged each as “An Army of One.” I don’t think the American armed forces are the best representatives of one-person militaries. The terrorist attacks on Western nations in the last five years are the real picture of encountering a million “Armies of One.” There is no proven way to win.

It reminds me of the Revolutionary War. The British stood in proper battle formation while colonists picked them off with arrows from the trees. The systems of war changed again with World War I. Automatic weapons and war-by-air completely replaced the musket raids of the Spanish American and Civil Wars. Then nuclear war- superpowers threatening to flip the light switch on each other. And now it is all changing again.

The new systems of war target civilians and are driven by small, politically removed factions of extremists. Whether we like it or not, this is the way that battles are manifesting in the 21st century. I don’t mean to suggest that the West should respond with similar military schemes, but it seems it would be worth investing in the social aid and policy issues that affect the hearts of these independent armies. Perhaps carefully thought diplomacy might shift some of the work into the hands of nations closer to the source of the driving ideologies. And it probably wouldn't cost as much as bombs.

Fill the jars with water.

2006-08-07T23:20:00.000-07:00

The weekend is over, and I was actually in town and feeling well for maybe the first time this summer! A large batch of my extended family from my dad’s side was here for a visit, so I spent some quality time with them on Friday and Saturday. We passed around pictures from the early 1970’s, talked about family heritage, and ate at least once every three hours.

Today Dan and I went on a hike up Larch Mountain with some of his JBU friends who were visiting from Colorado. It is an easy hike up an old volcano with a stunning view of five mountains from the top. I would have pictures to post, but my camera was out of batteries.

........

Good news for my friends in northern Uganda. The LRA is talking, and there is a ceasefire in place. Joseph Kony’s violence has been called the most neglected human crisis in the world. There has been more attention brought to it lately with the Invisible Children movement, but the West is slow to recognize the trouble outside our high gates.

........

Lebanon, land under fire. Israel, land deep in fear.

Some think that Qana, the city that had so many civilians die in bombings last week, is the Biblical town of Cana in Galilee. That would make it the site of Jesus’ first miracle—turning water into wine as recorded in John 2. It was a place of celebration and the dawn of the Messiah’s ministry. It was part of his neighborhood, and his friends lived there.

Thirty-five percent of Qana’s population is Christian. The American Christian church is probably the most vocal support of Israel’s military offence. John 17- Jesus prays for all who will be his followers. “May they experience such perfect unity that the world will know that you sent me and that you love them.” I pray with my Lebanese brothers and sisters, may peace come quickly to the land where Jesus walked.

Rolling in my head.

2006-08-02T14:26:00.000-07:00

I heard an interesting quote recently. It's been stuck in my thoughts.
Good enough is the enemy of the best.

Climb through the clouds.

2006-07-31T10:30:00.000-07:00

Whew, sorry for the blog neglect. I've been out of town this last week, and I'm still sick.

........

I was in Colorado Springs for a work conference during the beginning of the week. Colorado is a beautiful state, and our meetings were in the shadow of Pike's Peak. Thunder storms rolled in every night, and the rumbling crashes bounced off the mountains. It was much more dramatic than the high storms we get here in Oregon.

........

I just returned from my annual family reunion out in the wilderness of Central Oregon. It was a perfect weather weekend- warm, but not too hot. We enjoyed a hike through the rugged terrain and a few hands of Rook to pass the time.

........

I'm looking forward to being well soon. I'm just waiting for these antibiotics to kick in. I'm heading into week three of having this pesky fever.

A sea of brake lights.

2006-07-21T09:27:00.000-07:00

I have very early memories of hearing the mysterious codes over the radio. I understood everything else from the back seat- the talk show host’s jokes, the mattress commercial, the news report, the weather forecast. But the traffic report was gated in the adult world.

Eventually I recognized all the terms: stop and go, the Terwilliger curves, Sunset highway, the Banfield, southbound, inbound, and all those freeway numbers. The speed talkers rattled off enough that my parents knew which highway to avoid, but it remained a puzzle in my mind. The report was rhythmic and familiar, but it had no frame of context in my childish world.

With traffic and weather together on the eights: eight, eighteen, twenty eight, thirty eight, forty eight, and fifty eight after the hour.

I was driving home from work yesterday, and the familiar traffic chant interrupted the news. All the places and codes fit neatly into my commute. I realized that I had been let in. I knew what all the terms meant and which highway to avoid. It was some sort of coming of age moment in my mind. I must be a grown up.

Quality of life.

2006-07-17T14:44:00.000-07:00

The following is an in-depth Erin update:

In the last two months I have been through a major discernment process about my plans for law school. It has become more and more clear to me that a career in law is not going to allow me to do the type of advocacy work that I want to do.

I am most fulfilled when I work directly with people. I love tutoring and training and just building relationships. A career in law would necessarily require that most of my time be spent researching, building cases, and working at the macro level of systems. That is good work, but I know my heart would be restless. I am also aware that the highly competitive, prestige-driven field of law would be a burden for me even if I was doing the most ideal work. So I have decided to withdraw my admission and go back to the drawing board with my future.

I feel at peace with my decision, and I am excited to rethink my path. School is an absolute for me. I want to keep learning. But I am happy with waiting until I am more certain about moving ahead. It is actually sort of empowering to know that the whole law path was laid out in front of me, and it was my decision to choose not to go. I really like my job, and I am looking forward to spending some time working at the shelter before I make another major career change.

........

I had a great weekend. My college roommate Lauren came into town, and we spent some time catching up before she moves down to attend Emory University in Georgia. You can see some pictures from our weekend in the sidebar.

........

Today I am sick. What is it with me getting fevers in July? Ugh.

Make it a double.

2006-07-11T00:48:00.000-07:00

Good morning folks! It’s a beautiful Tuesday, and I am at the beginning of a new week. The weekend was full. The world keeps on turning. Life finds its way through the cracks.

........

Dan and I dropped in on my parents at the beach on Friday. It was beautiful at the coast, and the temperature stayed in the warm-but-comfortable range. Unfortunately, that is a recipe for disaster with the wind and water. Poor Dan got one of those truly awful sunburns, and he has been moving around like a senior citizen ever since.

Outside of the painful sunburn, we had a great time playing Rook, running head first into the waves, and enjoying the beauty of the ocean.

........

Today we went up to Trout Lake, Washington, to help with a camp for middle school students. I was there to give a brief introduction to Sudan. The camp is set up so that the kids “travel” around the world and learn about different countries each day. It was really fun to see their eyes light up at the pictures and stories from our trip last November. They will be “flying” to China tomorrow and then Mexico. I wish that I had been exposed to so much of the world back when I was in camp!

Fireworks on the roof.

2006-07-05T08:21:00.000-07:00

The Brits still haven't come back.

2006-07-04T14:43:00.000-07:00

It's Independence Day, and I'm looking forward to a day of good people, good food and a little bit of celebration.

My grandma told me that when she was growing up in Oklahoma, the fourth of July was a bigger holiday than Christmas. Everyone spent the day at picnics with family. There were parades in every town, and the parks were filled with potlucks.

........

I was parked downtown for a little while on Sunday. I didn't think there was anything special about the curb parking spot that I picked, but I was so wrong.

When I returned to my car after about three hours, it was absolutely covered in bird droppings. The telephone pole on the sidewalk must have something special about it, because I have never seen one car so well marked. It took me over an hour to clean it all off.

Up where the air is clear.

2006-06-27T07:57:00.000-07:00

"I am not an enthusiast of dynastic wealth, particularly when the alternative is six billion people having that much poorer hands in life than we have, having a chance to benefit from the money." - Warren Buffett

........

Phoenix averaged 110º while we were there over the weekend. That is hot, let me tell you. We swam in the pool and moved from air conditioned buildings to air conditioned cars. I enjoy the heat, but weather like that makes me want to lie motionless under a fan.

Portland has been having an unusual heat wave, so returning to the Pacific Northwest didn't provide much relief. The temperature was 102º when I looked a the thermometer yesterday afternoon.

........

I took a picture of Mt. Hood from the jet as we flew into Portland. You can see Mt. Jefferson in the background. It is breathtaking to be so close to the mountains, to briefly share the sky.

An army of sheep.

2006-06-20T23:41:00.000-07:00

Don’t worry. I haven’t dropped off the face of the earth.

I just haven’t had any time to write in the last week. My life has been full with a new job and traveling and spending time with people that I care about. I’ve wanted to post, but I haven’t been at my computer long enough to get it done.

Speaking of absences, I’ve been accused of lacking depth in my posts here lately. I’ll admit I haven’t been forcing myself to write much that requires a great amount of creative thought about the world. I’m working on getting back into that reflective mode, but it takes so much more time and thought than simply letting you know what I’ve been up to. I know that thinking is good for me, so I expect that I’ll get back around to it sometime soon.

........

Last week I started a new job with a homeless shelter here in Portland. I am really enjoying it. I love being on staff for a cause that I am fully enthusiastic about, and I like working in the heart of downtown. The work environment is stimulating and diverse. I think my coworkers are cool. What else could a girl ask for?

I’ve been leaving my car at a park-and-ride, and I take the MAX into the central part of the city. There is something really nice about having 10 minutes to stare blankly out the train window first thing in the morning. It’s like having a little moment of Zen before I jump into the workday.

........

I took the BBC brain gender test that Nancy linked to on her blog. I scored as a 25% male brain. I still feel pretty female, but my mad spatial relations skillz seem to weight the outcome. It was a fun quiz to take. You know you’re curious- go participate.

And also inspired by Nancy, I just added a Flickr sidebar to Surface Ripple!

........

Tomorrow is summer solstice and the Garden of Verses party that Dot and I are hosting! I’m really looking forward to it. I’ll try to take some pictures to share.

And I’m flying to Phoenix right after work on Thursday evening. I’ll be with a whole slew of women relatives for a weekend retreat. I expect a lot of laughing, some good food and many probing questions about my personal life. Woo hoo!

In brief.

2006-06-15T23:00:00.000-07:00

It's only day two, but I am loving my new job. The whole work environment is so healthy and functional. I've been putting in some long hours this first week, but things should settle into a normal pace soon. I'll have more time to think and blog this weekend. Thanks for hanging in there with me!

A walk in the park.

2006-06-13T22:05:00.000-07:00

Today was the last day off before I start my new job. The morning began with a lovely few hours of journaling and introspection in Laurelhurst Park. The green space was all but abandoned at that early hour, so it was just me and the friendly park animals that came over to visit. I felt focused after my time to think, pray and reflect.

This afternoon was not quite so relaxing. I spent about four hours in a bit of an identity crisis about my future and school and the nebulous weight of all that doesn't exist yet but needs to be planned for. Ugh. It was exhausting.

I am so thankful for parents that offer sound advice, friends that call at the right moment, and hugs from the people that really care about me. I haven't finished sorting through that whole mess, but I know that it is okay to be obliviously happy or completely stressed out. They are both normal feelings, and neither will ever completely reflect reality.

Except to pass.

2006-06-11T23:50:00.000-07:00

It is humid this evening. The warm air lingers in the energy of the day; the night is full of sounds.

........

I took a quick trip to Seattle this weekend with Dan. My former roommate Megan was in town from Denver, so we spent some time with her and the newly married Lauren and Wes. Then we headed a little bit north to stay with my brother and sister-in-law, JR and Jen. It was an action packed 36 hours!

Reach a little further.

2006-06-07T16:23:00.000-07:00

I am on day nine in a ten-day stretch of work. Needless to say, I am really ready for some time off. I’ve wanted to write more lately, but I’ve been lacking time, energy and creativity.

........

Have plans for the summer solstice? No? Well now you do! If you are going to be in Portland on Wednesday, June 21st, join Dot and me as we host a special literary event to kick off the season. Poetry will be read. Fun will be had. Email me for details.

Thanks to Dot for the lovely invitation design.

........

This is fascinating. As if five senses weren’t enough, check out the sixth sense that implanted earth magnets offer. This could create a new breed of I.T. superheroes. Who needs to troubleshoot a hard drive glitch when you can just feel the problem areas?

One trip around the sun.

2006-06-03T23:59:00.000-07:00

One year ago today. That’s when I posted on Surface Ripple for the first time.

So much has happened in that one year, and blogging has changed me. I have started to see the everyday things in my life as events worth telling about. I take more digital pictures. I have some new friends that I’ve never met face to face. My ideas have been challenged, and I have put my poetry out there for the world to see. And best of all, I’ve had motivation to actually write down some of the things that swirl around in my head.

Looking back at that original post, I’m happy to see that I may actually be accomplishing some of my goals from the beginning. Writing this blog has stretched me. It has given me concrete space to be creative in, and it has been a social connection for me with those family and friends that I can’t see on a regular basis.

So thanks for reading. Thanks for sharing a bit of the journey. Thanks for sticking around my little soap box. Here’s to another year of overly complicated compound sentences, cryptic bits of poetic posts, and generally stirring the waters!

Beauty in the details.

2006-06-01T07:50:00.000-07:00

June. Days stretched by light. The promise of warm evenings. Summer. Ah.

Here are a few of the things that are ahead of me in this new month:

Starting a new job on the 14th!
Visiting family and friends in Seattle
The “Garden of Verses” poetry party that Dot and I are hosting
A weekend in Arizona with women from my extended family
Time spent with many important friends

All this with the arrival of nicer weather! My cup runneth over.

........

On a related note, I've been really enjoying the scenes for each month from the Très Riches Heures. You can check out the other beautiful pieces from the illuminated manuscript here.

Blues and greens of life.

2006-05-30T09:30:00.000-07:00

I spent the long weekend in lovely Trout Lake. It's a tiny town in southern Washington where Dan grew up. Our days there were filled with good company and the beauty of undeveloped green hills.

Mt. Adams dominates Trout Lake's northern skyline, and people come from all over the country to live in its shadow. Some say the town is one of those thin places where the boundaries between the seen and unseen blur a bit. Others insist that there must be something in the water.

Remember in color.

2006-05-26T00:10:00.000-07:00

Hooray for a long holiday weekend! I'm headed out of town and out of the reach of modern technology for the next few days. It will be a fun weekend of adventure and relaxation. I hope you all get to enjoy the break. What are you doing with your extra day?

........

Memorial Day is typically a holiday where those who have passed away- particularly soldiers- are remembered by their loved ones. Flowers lie on gravestones, and flags are put out on front porches.

My grandfather is still alive, but I thought I should take this chance to give him a little online salute. My grandpa was born in 1912, and he will turn 94 years old this September. His life has spanned the most dynamic century of human history. He was with the Army in France during World War II, and he spent most of his adult life as a cranberry farmer in Southern Oregon.

One of my favorite things about my grandpa is his mechanical aptitude. On the farm he always tinkered with his machines to make them more efficient, and he had a continual interest in the technological developments that surfaced during his lifetime. He took 8mm film of the startling battlefields left behind in France; and his workbench always turned out interesting adaptations to the norm. (Our family still has a lamp that he made from an old candlestick telephone).

Although we still enjoy having my grandpa present with our family, I want to remember all that he has given to his family and his community through a lifetime of service. Happy Memorial Day!

My grandpa- Loris W.- in a picture taken by Bethany last Christmas.

All the energy underneath.

2006-05-23T22:14:00.000-07:00

We're back to rainy days here in Portland. The long stretch of blue skies has given way to a gray canopy of clouds, and we're all dressing in long sleeves again.

........

I turned in a notice of resignation at my work today. It feels so good to be at this point of transition. In three weeks I will be starting work at a nonprofit that advocates for the homeless community in Portland, and that job will switch to part time in the fall when school starts.

........

I've driven by the Trojan Nuclear Plant so many times on my way to Seattle. I never even got the chance to say goodbye...

Rocks in my yard.

2006-05-21T14:30:00.000-07:00

The stories of the earth lie under our feet.

The sunshine brings them out.

2006-05-18T10:37:00.000-07:00

I couldn’t help but watch them. We were eating our burritos at a tall table in the restaurant, and I tried not to be obvious as I glanced over Carolyn’s shoulder at the couple sharing a table outside. They were middle aged, average looking folks in shorts and sunglasses. My guess is that they had been married for a couple of decades.

They ate in silence. I never saw a word exchanged, but their communication was beautiful. They didn’t even need to talk. She reached over and took a tortilla chip from his plate; he raised an eyebrow. She passed the salsa to him like he had asked for it. He handed her a napkin. She nodded once. They knew each other that well. There was no distance between their souls. And they looked happy.

Another couple sat at the table to my right. Their hands seemed proud of the shiny wedding bands they wore, and their faces were young. The two sat on the same side of the table so their arms brushed as they ate. He soaked in her every move, and she looked softly at him out of the corner of her eye. They were blissfully unaware of the rest of the world, and their excitement in each other was tangible.

And last night, as the lingering bits of daylight disappeared from the sky, I was lying in my backyard and recalling the scene. Those small moments of shared experience are life, and life is dazzling.

Stop the clock.

2006-05-16T23:35:00.000-07:00

Life shifts. Those marks of identification, they melt, seep down almost unnoticed and fill in the cracks of something new. What was known becomes a blur of outlines; the past sticks to us- as real as the present or future. Structures crumble. The space of is holds tightly to the moment of was and will be. Grass grows up through it. The old is young again.

New growth underneath.

2006-05-16T01:15:00.000-07:00

Temperatures stayed near 90° most of the day. The afternoon seemed gray under the heavy heat. And, unfortunately, this was the day I had planned to work outside on my yard. A pickup load of bark dust needed to be shoveled, and it was finally time to deal with the Pampas Grass.

I don’t know who decided to plant five clumps of the tall, ornamental grass in my yard. I wish that I could have been around to object. I like the way that Pampas Grass looks, but it is painful to prune. A few chops with the shears filled my yard with knee deep piles of the brown blades. And those leaves are sharp! My arms and legs have been sliced to prove it.

It took me too long to finish the job. Toward the end I started eyeing my lawn mower with new landscaping potential. But the grasses were spared the mower blades; they just may not have a permanent future in my yard.

It was a long day of work in the sun- complete with victory and agony. There is nothing like yard work to make one realize the limited influence that one pair of hands and shears can really have on the will of nature. But I finished the work that could not be put off, and now the tasks ahead seem like cake.

The hot day wound down to a pleasantly warm evening. The yellow moon hung large and low on the horizon. A mild breeze stirred the leaves overhead. This world is brutal. This world is beautiful.

And knowing is half the battle.

2006-05-12T10:38:00.000-07:00

I have decided that today is self-awareness Friday. That means I have an excuse to post a few things about myself that really serve no purpose for the common good. Someday I’ll do a blog entry on our post-post modern culture of compulsive confession, but for now I’ll just participate.

Heather tagged me a while back to list my ten simple pleasures. These things make me happy by just thinking about them.

1. Sitting at my kitchen table in the quiet morning.
2. Taking a nap on my parents’ couch.
3. Holding hands.
4. A long drive in the car.
5. Seeing Mt. Hood on a clear day.
6. Ethiopian food.
7. Dancing.
8. Holding little children on my lap.
9. Riding my bike.
10. Finishing a book.

Continuing in the same spirit, here’s a survey I heisted from David.

[PAUSE]
What are you doing right now? Working and filling out this survey while I’m on the phone.
What are you wearing? A black shirt, grey sweater and jeans.
What are you listening to/playing? NPR
Are you talking to anyone online? No.
What are your parents doing? Probably working too.

[PLAY]
What time is it? 10:01 AM
What school do you go to? Did, you mean? Seattle Pacific University
Who are your friends? Many, many people that have been a part of my life.
Who are your enemies? I can’t think of any.
What do people label you? Usually “Erin.” Or “That tall girl”
Where do you like to hang out? Portland has so many great places to explore. Outdoors is almost always preferable to indoors.
Who's your crush? I’ve got a pretty big crush on my boyfriend.
What's your locker number? It has been a long time since I've had a locker.

[REWIND]
Where were you born? Portland, Oregon
What were you named? Erin Elizabeth
When were you born? August 18th at about 2:30 in the afternoon.
How much did you weigh when you were born? 8lbs-ish
Who were your best friends in kindergarten? Probably Tyler Trautman- I remember playing together a lot, and we carpooled.
Who were your best friends in first grade? Maybe Heather Voight
Who were your best friends in second grade? Dawn Putnam
Who were your best friends in third grade? Still Dawn.
What was(were) your favorite color(s)? Pink.
Who were your heroes back then? I always loved learning about the lives of Amy Carmichael and Clara Barton.

[FAST FORWARD]
What do you want to be when you get older? A person with roots.
Where do you want to live? I love Portland, but I’m open to adventures.
What's your dream house? A place where people feel loved and welcome.
Do you plan on getting married? Plan? Can one plan such things? I guess I hope to, but I don’t plan on the unknown.
Do you plan on having kids? Again, I hope so, but plan?
Where you do want to be buried when you die? I’m not sure I want to be buried. I dislike the whole coffin-embalmment business. Maybe I’ll be cremated.
Does your family plan on moving? My parents might travel when they retire.
What school will you be at in 4 years? Hopefully I’ll have recently finished law school.
Do you plan on going to college? Only grad school now.

[JUST TO KNOW]
1. Do you sleep with your door open or closed? Closed.
2. Do you ever steal the shampoos and soaps from hotel rooms? Is that stealing? Isn’t it considered an amenity?
3. What friend have you had the longest? Outside my family, maybe Carolyn? Or Denise?
4. Have you ever stolen a street sign before? Nope.
5. Do you like to use post-it notes? I use them all the time.
6. Do you cut out coupons but then never use them? Yes.
7. Would you rather be attacked by a bear or a swarm of bees? Probably bees.
8. Who was your favorite teacher in high school? Oh, that's a tough one. Mr. Mark, Mr. Meuser, Mr. Scott- they were all great. Mr. Mark gets the credit for inspiring the most personal epiphanies in his literature classes. Mr. Meuser knew my whole class really well. And Mr. Scott is still one of the smartest people I have ever known.
9. Do you always smile for pictures? If I know that they are being taken.
10. When was your awkward phase? 6th – 8th grade. So awkward.
11. What is your biggest pet peeve? Poor grammar and/or punctuation in emails.
12. Do you sleep with your sheets tucked in or out? In.
13. Do you ever count your steps when you walk? Sometimes, but more often it is the mental narrative “Right, Left, Right, Left…”
14. Have you ever peed in the woods? Yes.
15. Have you ever hooked up with more than one person in a day? No.
16. Do you chew your pens and pencils? Sometimes.
17. Where in the world is Carmen Sandiego? Ah! Rockapella! Get out of my head.
18. What's your favorite animal and why? Meaning one single animal or a type of animal? I really like my parents’ dog, Pekah. And I love hearing the little birds in my yard.
19. Do you like popcorn from those big tins? I can only see myself eating it in the living room of my grandparents' farm house that they sold twelve years ago. That is a vivid memory. Otherwise, I'm not a huge fan.
20. Would you ever tape yourself doing cartwheels? I would if I could do cartwheels… sigh.
21. What's your song of the week? Snow Patrol- Chasing Cars.
22. Is it ok for guys to wear pink? Yes.
23. Do you still watch cartoons? No- I don’t have a television, but I’d watch King of the Hill or The Simpsons if I could.
24. Where would you bury hidden treasure if you had some? Maybe I have some, and maybe I’ve buried it. If so, I won’t tell you here.

One more set of voices.

2006-05-10T22:44:00.000-07:00

Dan posted some new footage of our trip to Kenya. This segment is of our time at the Kibera slums. Go check it out over at Lahash.

Streaks on the glass.

2006-05-08T22:10:00.000-07:00

I had a busy weekend with work and church and friends. I'm back on a Tuesday- Friday schedule at work for a while to accomodate all the weekend events that happen in the spring. I don't mind the change, but I think I prefer my Monday- Thursday weeks.

After a full launch into Oregon spring, the weather shifted back to gray and chilly. My body seems to prefer the tropical temperatures of Mexico, and I have contracted a head cold to prove it. I'm not miserable yet, but I feel that potential for miserable riding in my tonsils.

........

I haven't posted any poetry up here in a while. Here are two that I wrote last year.

Almost Memories

You come to mind
from the strangest cues:
the wind on the grass,
a car trip out of town,
someone’s dinner plate.

My mind settles in worn paths.
not from memory to memory,
but from hope to hope.
I’ve soaked in your smile
so many thousand times.

Recovering Spring

The first cloudless day
of the season is euphoric.
We pull up the legs
of our pants and let our skin
drink in the fragile rays
of that stranger, the sun.
People beam in the bank
and on the street.
Ah the weather, we say.
Rolling down the windows
in our automobiles,
we let the still-cool air
remind us of the way
the earth should smell.
The birds sing again,
and we smile at the sky.

Bloom time.

2006-05-04T11:20:00.000-07:00

The light stays longer lately. I was at work until almost nine o’clock last night, and as I walked to the car I noticed that the daytime still held onto the corners of the sky.

........

Recently I’ve read a couple of really interesting articles on the tension between Western and Islamic cultures. NPR directed me to the preface of Ayaah Hirsi Ali’s new book, The Caged Virgin. And while I was in the air between Los Angeles and Portland, I read an editorial in the Wall Street Journal about the academic work of Bernard Lewis. Both selections feel weighted toward the West, but they are helpful and very intriguing outlines of the conflict we are feeling on our shrinking globe.

........

Speaking of religion and politics, Moussaoui has been spared the death penalty. I think the jury made the right decision. He is guilty of deplorable actions (or non actions in this case), but I see no purpose in taking another life and creating a martyr.

My feelings on the death penalty have changed a lot in the last ten years. I remember seeing a protest when I was in high school. A group of citizens had gathered at a local park to march on behalf of a death row prisoner. I was sitting in the car with my parents who had picked my siblings and me up from school that day to tell us that my grandmother had died.

The conflict that I felt in that moment never quite settled down. I knew the death of my grandma was a sad event. She was the first person close to me that had ever passed away. But what about the death of the prisoner that the protesters were trying to save? Would that somehow be without tragedy? Does a guilty death provide comfort for an innocent death? Or if it was the “right” punishment, then how could it be the same disturbing event that had occurred in my own family that day? And what about my faith? The entire idea of salvation in Christianity is based on total absolution from sin and the grace of reconciliation- of full life- available to all humanity. While it may not be written into legislation, could I personally demand a punishment that is so different than the tenents of my own life philosophy?

I don’t know how I would feel about the death penalty if one of my family members had been killed in the World Trade Center or on one of those flights. I cannot deny that moral convictions are always based on personal experience at some level- whether that experience is one of faith or tragedy. But I know that if I err, then I hope to always err on the side of life.

In the morning.

2006-05-02T09:04:00.000-07:00

I'm back from beautiful Mexico. Our flight got in last night after the sun had already set in Oregon. Bethany and my mom stayed behind for an extra day in the sun and the promise of a free airline ticket for the seats they gave up on our overbooked flight.

About two days ago I started dreaming about all of the things that I needed to do when I got home. Emails at work, bills at home, weeding outside. The last bit of vacation always loses that blissful gleam of distance.

But oh, I am glad to be home. I like my life. I like the people and places in it, and I wouldn't think to trade any of it for a warmer climate.

A thick American accent.

2006-04-28T10:32:00.000-07:00

We are a little more than half done with our time here in Mazatlan. I am happy to report that the nice weather hasn't gotten boring yet.

I'm just posting more pictures for now, but I've been thinking about all sorts of things under the sun. My mind is whirling with thoughts on Tolstoy and the human condition. This resort is a strange context for russian literature, but those universal themes are a fascinating lens.

Local flamingos.

Bethany on the beach.

Carolyn and I relaxing at one of the pools.

And all the stars show at night.

2006-04-26T11:43:00.000-07:00

Oh Mexico.

We are two days into our time in sunny Mazatlan. My sister and I came down with our parents, and my roommate Carolyn is here with her family too. We´ve spent most of our time so far in the sun and in the pool. I read for two hours last evening, and I slept out on the balcony of our room. The sound of the tides wove into my dreams, and I woke up to chirping birds and a warm ocean breeze.

The view from our balcony.

Bethany and I in the lobby.

The resort has a 1920´s feel to it. There are many types of exotic birds around the grounds. This white peacock is accustomed to cameras.

Hasta luego.

2006-04-24T02:24:00.000-07:00

I'm headed down to Mexico for a week in the sun with my family and friends. I'll try and post some pictures while I'm gone, but it will depend on my access to a USB port and the internet.

I feel like I've been traveling for a month! April has been full of new adventures. I'll be back in the U.S. next Monday, and I expect that my life will finally settle back into a somewhat normal pace.

Top level, turn left.

2006-04-20T08:36:00.000-07:00

Yesterday was one of those pristinely beautiful days in Portland. The air was full of spring, and everyone was finding excuses to be outside. I had a meeting downtown, and I stopped to take a picture from the roof of the parking garage.

At the end of the day, Dan and I took a walk along the Columbia River. Birds and kayakers cut their way across the water. Dusk smoothed the landscape, and Washington’s shore flickered with little lights in the distance.

A quick breath between.

2006-04-18T09:20:00.000-07:00

I didn’t end up with many pictures from this weekend, but that is because I was too busy enjoying the good company and the celebration.

........

It seems like all my blog posts this month have been about being out of town. These first weeks of spring have been crazy for me, and it is not over yet! Next week I’m leaving for Mexico, and then things should settle down just in time for summer.

Yesterday I finally got around to mowing my long neglected lawn. Being out of town so much means that the little negotiable chores around my house get put off indefinitely. The grass was getting to be upper-ankle height, and it took me a couple solid hours to finish the job. I enjoyed being outdoors, smelling the cut grass, and feeling a hint of warmth in the air.

........

I’ve heard about this project before. Did you ever play “Bigger or Better” with friends or a youth group in high school? It is close to the same idea, except this guy is getting things of real value. We always ended up hauling away neighborhood trash. When you are fourteen, a broken oven fan seems really cool until you take it home and your parents refuse store it in the garage.

The creeping dawn.

2006-04-15T00:53:00.000-07:00

Candles and incense. Words tested by generations. That beautiful promise.

I’ve been back and forth between Salem and Portland this Easter weekend. Today I will have my family over for a big breakfast, and then I’ll head back down to Salem to walk through the Easter vigil with my friends at St. Tim’s. The service finishes at midnight, and we will have an agape feast and dancing until the wee hours of the morning. I’ll try to post pictures for you when I get back!

Wash the river off your feet.

2006-04-11T23:40:00.000-07:00

I saw them cleaning the streets on my way to work. So ends the cat. It was already gone when I drove by.

........

The rain should be rolling in tonight and staying for a while. There was a bit of sun this afternoon. I could see a peek of blue sky from my desk at work. As soon as I finished at the office, I went and stood in the warm rays. My eyes closed, my face toward the sun. I felt like I was plugged in to a wall socket. Lovely fifteen minutes, it was.

........

Easter is coming. Do you all have plans for the weekend?

Finding ways home.

2006-04-09T23:54:00.000-07:00

Thirty hours in a minivan took us to eastern Montana and back to beautiful Oregon.

Here are just a few of the things that I learned along the road:

Good friends are good travel companions.
Montana has poor cell phone reception.
Bridesmaids dresses get very uncomfortable after six hours.
I love seeing dear friends marry the right person. That is truly worth celebrating.

Wagons east.

2006-04-05T00:48:00.000-07:00

Another one marries out of the Sisterhood Commune.

I’m off to Montana for the wedding of my dear friend Lauren and her fiancé Wes. A fifteen hour car trip will land our little bridal-party troupe in Billings by Thursday afternoon. I’m looking forward to the celebration, and I’m going to enjoy the life shaping conversations that long car rides always bring.

........

Try not to get too bored while I’m gone. Here are some articles that I found interesting in one way or another:

You know that you love the links. Don't say that I never gave you anything.

Oh, and have you played Sudoku? Try this online version. There is no turning back.

Spring forward.

2006-04-03T01:10:00.000-07:00

Oregon is yielding to the warmer season, and it is lovely to see.

The next few weeks are full of so many good things. I’ll be traveling to Montana for Wes and Lauren’s wedding. I’ll celebrate Easter in unrivaled Episcopal fashion. And I’ll head down to Mexico with my family for a week at the end of April.

Hopefully I will find time to work and rest in between my plans, but at least I’ll be with so many of the people that I love.

........

On Saturday we took a hike up to Falls Creek Falls in southern Washington. We were fortunate enough to have sun for most of the day- only occasionally interrupted by a few April showers. But who can complain about a little rain when you are surrounded by the breathtaking beauty of the Northwest?

Reasons to celebrate.

2006-03-30T14:26:00.000-08:00

Happy Birthday Bethyboo! Welcome to your twenties. I'm proud that you are my sister.

.........

Jill Carroll has been freed. I am so glad to hear the good news.

All at once.

2006-03-28T15:37:00.000-08:00

The phone kept ringing at the next desk, so I finally answered it.

“Hi, um, I have a question,” the voice of a middle-aged woman sounded obviously stressed, “If a seventeen year old girl gets pregnant by her boyfriend, and he’s a few years older…” She trailed off.

“What I mean to say is that they’ve been in love for three years, and they’ve had a crush on each other since she was eight. Anyway, if she got pregnant, and if I say it’s okay that they get married, will he still get in trouble because, you know, she’s young?”

I’m not sure why she called our number to ask her question.

“Well,” I told her, “I can’t give you legal advice since we are not that kind of office, but I can take a guess. I think it will only be a problem if the girl or her parents decide to press charges with the police. But you can’t take my word for it. You’ll need to follow up with someone who deals with these cases more directly.”

I suggested other agencies that might be more helpful to her.

“Oh,” she breathed out for the first time, “I’m so glad you said that. See, they really love each other. And they are just so young.”

Slide over that way.

2006-03-27T12:05:00.000-08:00

Monday snuck up on me again. Weekends always seem to owe at least one more day.

.........

This article provides an interesting possibility for the future of stem cell research. No matter what one’s opinion is on the issue, I think everyone would like to find an agreeable way to move forward.

Must be March.

2006-03-24T20:43:00.000-08:00

When it rains, it pours.

On the hinge.

2006-03-23T09:48:00.000-08:00

Spring tiptoes into the earth and the heart. Maybe the wind shifts. Suddenly the bare branches are lined with pink blossoms. Birds become our loudest neighbors. Green pushes at the seams of soil, and the sun lingers a little longer each day. What a difference a week can make.

........

Headlines of good news for two days in a row! I am thrilled to hear that the CPT hostages have been freed. What an answer to prayer. In our celebration, let’s be even more aware of Jill Carroll and the other Iraqi nationals and foreign aid workers that still await release.

The high threshold.

2006-03-22T11:10:00.001-08:00

When I saw the headline article on BBC news this morning, I thought that the picture of masked ETA members was going to be more bad news. It turns out to be quite the opposite. How great is it to hear that a group known for civilian violence has called for a permanent ceasefire in order to focus on democratic solutions? I know if is not a complete resolution to all that has gone on in that region, but it is certainly a giant leap in the right direction.

.........

Things in Sudan continue to fester.

There is a strange separation in my mind between the Sudan that I visited last November and the Sudan that I read about on the news. Sometimes it is hard to believe that they are the same. When I think about being there, I smell the thick air and green valleys. I picture kids from the villages running out to greet us, and I remember the peaceful feeling of waking up to the early sun outside the hut at the orphanage. These things are what I know in Sudan. They are my experiences. My memories are full of friends.

The scars on children that sat in my lap are also real to me. I can trace the outlines of their injuries in my mind, and I know they are evidence of the war that still lingers around them. I hear the echoes of stories from my friends about being forced to be a child soldier, seeing their houses burned, being separated from families, and much more. These things also shape how I know Sudan.

But when I read about Sudan on the news, it seems like it could be on a different planet. It becomes a giant mess of issues that earns second-tier story status. The problems are huge and vague, and they tell us that there is some work being done somewhere by someone to help. There is no connection to a person, there are just masses of people. It is a low priority on the big lists that are weighted by oil and the immediate feedback of approval ratings.

My relationships with Sudanese friends become the lens through which I view the conflict and understand the reports. That is hard work; it is easier to just not process it. Thinking of these stories in a personal way makes for a very tangible feeling of powerlessness. I cannot reach that far, and I cannot stop the conflict. I can’t protect the innocent. But I know that I am responsible to what I have seen, and I am motivated to make those abstract concepts a concrete reality for others because of my friends in Sudan.

In the midst of the dichotomy in my mind, I am glad to know that there are many, many people calling for action. There is a huge rally coming up in April to draw specific attention to Darfur, and many nonprofit and social justice organizations are banding together to keep the developed world accountable to recognizing human equality. I am not so naïve that I expect these issues to just go away silently, but I pray that someday I will wake up to read another story of unexpected good news- this time from out of Sudan.

Lose those walking blues.

2006-03-20T23:20:00.000-08:00

Friends, road trips, improvised saunas, remote cabins and tall trees. That's how lucky I am, folks. Here are some pictures from my weekend away:

A two lane highway.

2006-03-17T22:48:00.000-08:00

With friends in town and my hours at work running late, I haven’t had much time to think about blogging in the last couple of days. Sometimes I wish that my life had more downtime, but I can’t pick who or what I would be willing to give up.

...........

We just finished up a large grant proposal at work. It was a great learning experience for me. I have wanted to understand more about the process of project funding since I started in nonprofits, and this was my first chance to be part of the writing effort. It was not as difficult as I expected, but it was time consuming. Hopefully we will get the grant.

...........

Today I met with a financial aid advisor about paying for law school during these next three years. So.much.money. I’m glad life is made up of more than loans and interest rates. You can take numbers out of my bank account, but you’ll never take my soul!

I am still waiting for an illusive benefactor to pay for my education and leisure travel out of his/her sheer interest in my well being. Right.

...........

I’ll be out of town this weekend. Life keeps flying by at about 70 miles per hour, and it looks like I’m on this particular track until at least May. I guess that means it is time to roll down the windows and enjoy the wind in my hair.

Playback: Repeat.

2006-03-15T00:11:00.000-08:00

In the typcial pattern of almost-spring, it has been a tedious couple of weeks in Erinland. It is nothing desperate; I have a lot to be happy about, and I am grateful. My emotional resources just seem to be running on the low end. I’ll dutifully accept a dreary week or month once in a while, but I’m looking forward to the upswing.

........

Perhaps this is a naïve question, but if the Israelis were so concerned about Palestinian militants being freed from prison within the next few days, why didn’t they just wait to arrest them when they walked out? It seems like it would be a lot easier than conducting a highly controversial prison raid.

I know international relations are usually a bit stickier than that, but I just had to ask.

........

Speaking of conflict, I’ve never been very keen on navigating the vast realm of unspoken female politics. I work with a staff of all women, and while I try to avoid making sweeping statements about an entire gender, there is a lot of nuance in the way that women interact within systems of power. Confrontation often becomes a series of hints underneath smiles of assurance that everything is fine. It can be exhausting to try and stay on top of it all.

........

Happy 31st anniversary to my Mom and Dad! You rock.

There is such a thing.

2006-03-13T10:30:00.000-08:00

I am happy to report that jokes from four months ago are still funny. I spent a majority of this last weekend with friends from my Africa team. We watched video clips from our trip, ate delicious Ethiopian food, and talked late into the night. The six of us piled easily into a five-seater car to get around town, and I couldn’t help but remember the matatu rides through Kampala with similar seating arrangements. All we were missing was a pile of luggage, a few curious strangers to squeeze in with, and the buzz of African radio.

...........

My full weekend left me absolutely exhausted, and I went to bed at 9:30 PM last night. I slept for ten hours, and my dreams held people dancing and something like summer and an underlying feeling of expectation.

No standard inflection.

2006-03-11T01:33:00.000-08:00

There is something sublime about sharing poetry until one o’clock in the morning. I don’t get to do it often enough. Those lines which birthed us into adulthood still cradle deep moments of “Ah.” Read a poem aloud. It draws in the walls of a room and ignites the human spirit. Oh, the art of that line, that still true observation, how each word dangles in the air! The archaic and modern hold their own within the post-postmodern, and the great poets preside lightly in their aural monarchy.

Measure it in miles.

2006-03-10T14:00:00.000-08:00

Disa is here to visit from California. She was one of the team that I traveled with in East Africa!

Speaking of East Africa, Relevant Magazine just published an article on Lahash International and my friend Dan. Go check it out.

It could be contagious.

2006-03-08T17:02:00.000-08:00

Something about today has been unbelievably dreary. Daylight never quite caught on. Cold rain has kept everyone scurrying between dark doorways like beetles exposed under a log. The day seems to have given up on itself, and frankly I’m in agreement with the decision.

There was one bright spot in all the gray. This flower popped up outside my window at work.

Did anyone have a good day today?

Something like a contented sigh.

2006-03-06T22:32:00.000-08:00

Color me happy with life.

Tonight was lovely. I accomplished all of the little chores that I had planned to do- right down to the laundry. I was in my pajamas by 7:30 PM, and Carolyn and I shared a late dinner. My days are full of good relationships with wonderful people. How did I get to be so fortunate?

Five senses on Saturday.

2006-03-05T00:53:00.000-08:00

I saw new neighbors moving in. Three white vans brought a household of things and the bustle of a family with at least two little girls. Our meeting was short, and the language barrier made it a bit awkward, but I’m looking forward to sharing the space of our lives.

I felt the warm sun streaming through windows. I had to reach for my sunglasses as I drove toward the light. The hint of spring tempts me to wear sandals when I know that I’ll regret it, but I can feel the promise of long summer days to come.

I heard a compliment from someone that I respect. I’m sure he didn’t realize the importance of his words to me, and it was couched in the menial small talk of coworkers. But it was the kind of unexpected gift that makes me blush in the moment and smile to myself on the way home.

I tasted my favorite breakfast cereal in the entire world: Corn Pops.

I smelled the pages of a book that I’m reading. That scent of ink and paper is the one consistent sensation that ties together the words that have shaped my life. I can simply close my eyes and feel the invitation to join in.

I spent Friday reading.

2006-03-04T00:50:00.000-08:00

"In 1998, it was determined that it would take only thirteen billion dollars to eliminate starvation in the world. In 1999, the American church spent six billion dollars just on new buildings. How would the rest of the world react if they saw churches committing themselves to feeding the world instead of building luxurious sanctuaries, gyms, and family life centers?"

"The solution to world hunger is not forcing the poor to work harder; it is for the rich to work for equality."

Quotes from Praying Like Jesus: The Lord's Prayer in a Culture of Prosperity by James Mulholland

Ah-h-hem.

2006-03-02T18:15:00.000-08:00

I'm in.